What bothers me is that my two sons live with him most of the time. They are so loyal to their dad that they’d rather stay in that environment so that he won’t be “lonely” when his wife is angry with him. They are reluctant to say anything that might allow me to take action to protect them.

So far her actions are only against her husband, but she actively dislikes my oldest son and he has to restrain himself from smarting off to her insults and comments (because she would take it out on his dad). Its my youngest, though, that I am most concerned about, as his heart is tender and it hurts him to watch is dad get yelled at and hit. He stays with us 2-3 nights a week, so he gets a break from it. Still, I think it is a horrible example for him to grow up with.

My ex won’t communicate with me on this at all. Any suggestions? Micki

It's taken me a few days to get this question just right in my mind.

If, on a site that is populated by people who wil tolerate long term abuse you find the prevailing attitude is that one should not defend one's self is it possible that that attitude contributes to the acceptance of abuse?

Conversly, if one were to speak to a large group of individuals who have achieved any age without suffering any abuse would one find that their self defence was a priority in any given situation? Larry

It is just appalling how these football players are abusing their wives and girlfriends. Goes to show (to me) the sign of the times and how violent people are getting.

I survived it and promised NEVER to allow any man to strike me. I've been remarried for almost three months now and so far all is well. We would argue before we got married (which is normal), but basically would walk away and cool off.

In my state there has been an increase in women being abused. I personall knew a woman who was six months pregnant and shot to death by her ex-boyfriend (he emptied his gun into her body) in the presence of her other children.

One lady had a restraining order out against her ex-husband. He shot her in the parking lot of her job and she died on New Years Day 2000. The coward drove downstate and took his life. The newspaper detailed her diary and how she suffered at the hands of this man.

Women should NOT allow themselves to be powerless. If he hits you once, he WILL do it again. You have to "nip it in the bud" before it blossoms.

Before I met my husband I dated a guy who seemed to be so loving and caring. He was upset with me one night because I refused to have sex with him while my children were in the house. He got loud and nasty. My 17 year old daughter came out of her room after hearing the raised voices, went to the kitchen and grabbed a knife.

I told him to leave and never come back in my house. He was still mouthing at me and acted as though he was going to strike me. My daughter came towards him with that knife and I know he got out of there!

You see, I cared enough for myself and my kids to keep them from seeing this mess. Afterwards, my daughter was afraid for me to date after what she knew I went through with her dad (my ex). And she didn't like the guys who even spoke to me.

Women make excuses for staying in relationships and being a man's punching bag. I left two children behind (a seven year old and a two year old) to live in another town, get established and find a place for all of us. It took one year and weekends of visits with my kids. WE MADE IT!!!

They never missed a meal, had the best of medical care and my love and quality time. I had to live in a women's shelter before I accomplished all of this.

Today, one child is 15 and the other is 20. The 20 year old is in college. We are alive and healthy and I have a wonderful new husband. I moved on after my first marriage to a man who loved to belittle me, call me names such as Fat ASS, slap and punch on me, etc.

The last time he did that, I stabbed his ass. He was too damn embarrassed to tell folks that I did it, so he made up a story about getting in a fight with some guy. I promised him that next time it would be his LIFE.

I guess that scared him! He got involved in other relationships and would beat those women, too. I was the only one who stood up to him and for that reason, he hates my guts (too bad). Hazel Eyes

I subscribeto the Nicole's E-zine, and I am really glad that there are more people trying to help other victims and families of victims of abuse. SO much more needs to be done to help the children, especially. That is why I created my website. I just wish I could do something more.

I have a friend that just told me a couple of weeks ago about 2 little girls she knows who live with their father, and another man and his wife, (who takes care of the little girls while their father is working.) My friend told me that when the oldest girl, (I believe she is about 7) gets into trouble, the woman not only whips her, but when her husband gets home, *he* whips her as well, and when her *father* gets home, he too whips her.

Before the men get home, this little girl is made to stand in a corner from the time of whatever she did wrong, until bedtime, and is only allowed to leave that corner for her whippings and supper. I asked my friend why she didn't call DHS and report these people anonymously. She feels that just because she doesn't agree with the way these people discipline these little girls, doesn't mean that it is any of her business.

I got pretty upset with her about this, and I let her know it. SOMEONE HAS TO SPEAK UP FOR THESE CHILDREN WHO CANNOT SPEAK FOR THEMSELVES BECAUSE THEY ARE TOO SCARED!!!

I am so sick of hearing about people just "minding their own business" when it comes to something like this. If I go out to the bar on Friday night, I will GUARANTEE you that ½ of my town will be talking about it Saturday, and voicing their opinions about it; however, they see someone abusing a defensless, helpless child, and noone says a word...because it is "none of their business".

I really want to use my own personal experience in some way to help other children like me. I want to be their voice when they don't have one...I want them to know that they don't have to put up with it...I want them to know that there are people in this world who will stand by the children.Jacquelyn